Tuesday, October 30, 2007

My First Inchie Doll!

HalloweenThis cute little scarecrow is my first attempt at an inchie doll. He is part of a set of Halloween inchies that I made for a swap.
I almost cut the other four swap inchies out of the picture as the scan made them look really, really awful! I think all the glitter and sparkle that I added to them caused a glare during the scan. Anyway, I tried to adjust the colors/lighting but it still didn't make them look much better...

Thursday, October 25, 2007

For the Birds!

I think I am officially hooked on funky birds now. Here are two bird cards that I have made recently.
This is what the folded bird card looks like when open.
I am sure if I was smarter I could figure out how to make the bird image still stay upright when unfolded...

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Part 3

Harasser stalker: Some stalker types like to be the center of attention and may have an attention-seeking personality disorder; they may not be stalkers in the strict sense of the word but repeatedly pester anyone (especially anyone who is kind, vulnerable or inexperienced) who might be persuaded to pay them attention. If they exhibit symptoms of Munchausen Syndrome they may select a victim who they stalk by fabricating claims of harassment by this person against themselves.

Warning signs:
These are some of the signs to be alert to:


  • expects you to spend all of your time with him/her or inform him/her of your whereabouts

  • refuses to accept "no" for an answer

  • isolates you from your friends and/or family

  • puts you down in front of your family or friends

  • sends frequent unsolicited or unwelcome gifts

  • makes offers of unsolicited help

  • excessive niceness in the early stages

  • use of guilt to manipulate your feelings or to force you into courses of action you feel unhappy with

  • extreme jealousy

  • frequent loss of temper

  • following you wherever you go

  • threats

  • physical or verbal abuse

  • damage or destruction to your property

  • makes your family or friends feel scared or uneasy

Precautions to take:
The stalker exhibits a familiar pattern of behavior. Stalking often starts as a result of rejection; rejection rage and abandonment rage motivate the stalker to seek revenge through a predictable pattern of stalking behavior. The stalker, usually a loner and socially inept, becomes obsessed with their target and bombards them with messages, emails, gifts, or abuse. The stalking behavior can last for years and the intensity of abuse increases over time. The abuse, initially consisting of psychological violence, often escalates and culminates in physical violence.

If a stalker comes into your life, there are certain safety precautions to take:

  1. Do not personally respond to the stalker's attention, not even to tell him (or her) to get lost. (People erroneously believe that a rational conversation will dissuade such people.)

  2. Beef up your home security and in the event of a threatening letter or call, alert your local police so they have it on record. (The local police will often give a free home security consultation.)

  3. Keep detailed documentation of all actual contacts.

  4. If letters or calls persist, have an attorney send a registered cease-and-desist letter.

  5. Keep travel plans to a trusted few.

  6. In the event of actual trespass, get a restraining order.

  7. Keep a camera handy for photographic documentation.

  8. Don't accept unexpected packages.

  9. Avoid blaming yourself for the situation.

  10. Refrain from retaliation or counter-threats; the stalker is seeking {any} form of contact.

  11. Don't let the stalker rule your life.

  12. Use caller ID and possibly get a second line with an unlisted number; then use the line on which he calls to record his harassment without him realizing that you're not using that phone.

  13. Use a gender-neutral and non-provocative email address.

  14. Don't give out your Internet password and change it regularly.

  15. Use a chat network where harassment is not permitted.

  16. For Internet chats, use a different screen name than your email address.

  17. Don't give a lot of personal details to strangers.

  18. Be aware that stalkers can employ others to get information about you.

Part 2


More on attention-seeker personality types:

The need for attention
Human beings are social creatures and need social interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn't need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from their work and from stable relationships. Daniel Goleman calls emotional maturity emotional intelligence, or EQ; he believes, and I agree, that EQ is a much better indicator of a person's character and value than intelligence quotient, or IQ.
The emotionally immature person, however, has low levels of self-esteem and self-confidence and consequently feels insecure; to counter these feelings of insecurity they will spend a large proportion of their lives creating situations in which they become the center of attention. It may be that the need for attention is inversely proportional to emotional maturity, therefore anyone indulging in attention-seeking behaviors is telling you how emotionally immature they are.
Attention-seeking behavior is surprisingly common. Being the center of attention alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy but the relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and consequent low levels of self-worth and self-love.
Insecure and emotionally immature people often exhibit bullying behaviors, especially manipulation and deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention which would not otherwise be forthcoming. Bullies and harassers have the emotional age of a young child and will exhibit temper tantrums, deceit, lying and manipulation to avoid exposure of their true nature and to evade accountability and sanction. This page lists some of the most common tactics bullies and manipulators employ to gain attention for themselves. An attention-seeker may exhibit several of the methods listed below.

Attention seeking methods
Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females so I've used the pronoun "she". Males also exhibit attention-seeking behavior.
Attention seekers commonly exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves. Or they may exploit their own suffering, or alleged suffering. In extreme forms, such as in Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, the attention-seeker will deliberately cause suffering to others as a means of gaining attention.
The sufferer: this might include feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or perhaps causing or inviting injury, in extreme cases going as far as losing a limb. Severe cases may meet the diagnostic criteria for Munchausen Syndrome (also know as Factitious Disorder). The illness or injury becomes a vehicle for gaining sympathy and thus attention. The attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their emotions, especially that of guilt. It's very difficult not to feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.
The saviour: in attention-seeking personality disorders like Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy (MSBP, also known as Factitious Disorder By Proxy) the person, usually female, creates opportunities to be center of attention by intentionally causing harm to others and then being their saviour, by saving their life, and by being such a caring, compassionate person. Few people realize the injury was deliberate. The MSBP mother or nurse may kill several babies before suspicions are aroused. When not in saviour mode, the saviour may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person or persons she is saving.
The rescuer: particularly common in family situations, she's the one who will dash in and "rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune - to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking in the glory of her humanitarian actions. She will prey on any person suffering misfortune, infirmity, illness, injury, or anyone who has a vulnerability. The act of rescue and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is rescuing.
The organizer: she may present herself as the one in charge, the one organizing everything, the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people (this is only a means to an end) but to always be the center of attention.
The manipulator: she may exploit family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury. Vulnerable family members are favorite targets. A common attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted, victimized, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a campaign of exclusion or harassment.
The mind-poisoner: adept at poisoning peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions of others, especially against the current target.
The drama queen: every incident or opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited, exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels she is not the center of attention but should be. Inappropriate flirtatious behavior may also be present.
The busy bee: this individual is the busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell you how busy she is.
The feigner: when called to account and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial - counterattack - feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate everyone present, especially bystanders and those in authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a tissue. There's little more plausible than real tears, although as actresses know, it's possible to turn these on at will. Feigners are adept at using crocodile tears. From years of practice, attention-seekers often give an Oscar-winning performance in this respect. Feigning victimhood is a favorite tactic of bullies and harassers to evade accountability and sanction. When accused of bullying and harassment, the person immediately turns on the water works and claims they are the one being bullied or harassed - even though there's been no prior mention of being bullied or harassed. It's the fact that this claim appears only after and in response to having been called to account that is revealing. Mature adults do not burst into tears when held accountable for their actions.
The victim: she may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, eg send herself hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbor, etc. Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her "harasser" and produce circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first time she has had this happen to her.
In many cases the attention-seeker is a serial bully whose behavior contains many of the characteristics listed under the profile of a serial bully, especially the Attention-Seeker.
Feigning victimhood is common to serial bullies and this aspect comes to the fore in most cases once the bully has been held accountable and he or she cannot escape or rely on their support network. The tactic of denial followed by immediate counterattack followed by feigning victimhood is described on the serial bully section.

Attention seeking and narcissism
Like most personality disorders, narcissism occurs to different degrees in different people and reveals itself in many ways. Many business leaders exhibit narcissism, although when present in excess, the short-term benefits are outweighed by long-term unsustainability which can, and often does, lead to disaster.
The need for attention is paramount to the person with narcissistic personality disorder, and he or she will do anything to obtain that attention.

The Serial Bully

I was going to keep this blog strictly for my artwork and not add anything personal, but I feel very strongly about this and I feel everyone needs to educate themselves about serial bullies and harassment stalkers.

I found the following information on a web site and was really alarmed to read the estimate that one on in every 30 people is a serial bully. Alarmed, but not at all surprised as I have, unfortunately, had dealings with several people that perfectly fit this profile. Chances are that someone in your workplace, church, stamp club or even your family is a serial bully. My advice to you is that if you suspect you are dealing with this type of person to save every e-mail, every memo, every letter and make note (including time and date) of every conversation, phone call, etc. You may feel guilty about this or even think you are being paranoid... Trust me, it is better to be safe than sorry and someday you will really, really, REALLY regret not saving this information from the start. Protect yourself!

I also want to note that it is pretty easy for all of us to turn a blind eye if we see this type of person attacking others. Sometimes we justify this by saying that we really aren't that close to the person being attacked so we don't need to step in. Sometimes the bully is someone we think is a friend and we turn a blind eye because of it. (Let's stop and think about it... Do we really want to be friends with someone like this? And are they really our friends or are they just manipulating us and we have chosen to ignore it?) I've noticed an alarming trend over the past few years where people see or hear something they don't like and think that if they cover their eyes and ears and hum a cheery little tune it will all go away. Trust me, it doesn't! We all desperately want to believe the best of people, but we forget by not acting that we are really HELPING these bullies hurt others. These situations can escalate to harassment stalking and worse.

Remember, knowledge is power! By informing yourself about this you can help protect yourself and your loved ones in the future.

I don't mean to sound so preachy... I just love all my friends and want them to be safe! :-)



The Serial Bully

How to spot signs and symptoms of serial bullies, sociopaths and psychopaths including the sociopathic behavior of the industrial psychopath and the corporate psychopath


"All cruelty springs from weakness." (Seneca, 4BC-AD65)
"Most organizations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered, dysfunctional behavior can permeate the entire organization like a cancer." Tim Field
"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is." Winston Churchill
"Lack of knowledge of, or unwillingness to recognize, or outright denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome of a bullying case for both the employee and employer" Tim Field



I estimate one person in thirty, male or female, is a serial bully. Who does the following profile describe in your life?



The serial bully:



  • is a convincing, practiced liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment


  • has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act


  • excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive


  • uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)


  • is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there's no substance


  • is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmaneuver most people in verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict


  • is often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic


  • relies on mimicry, repetition and regurgitation to convince others that he or she is both a "normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon


  • is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly


  • cannot be trusted or relied upon


  • fails to fulfill commitments


  • is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old


  • is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy


  • exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behavior and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse


  • in a relationship, is incapable of initiating or sustaining intimacy


  • holds deep prejudices (eg against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc - prejudiced people are unvaryingly unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial aspect of their personality secret


  • is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability


  • has a deep-seated contempt of clients in contrast to his or her professed compassion


  • is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity


  • displays a compulsive need to criticize whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence


  • shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water
    flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation


  • refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer


  • is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability


  • undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask


  • is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them


  • is quick to discredit and neutralize anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors


  • may pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organizations in pursuance of the vendetta


  • is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account


  • gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to


  • is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)


  • poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions


  • when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression


  • is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all


  • often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behavior and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others


  • is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation


  • is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty


  • is mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy


  • is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire


  • is always a taker and never a giver


  • is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)


  • often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus


  • often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself


  • knows the words but not the song


  • is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication


  • sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committeeaholic or apparent workaholic


Responsibility
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behavior and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behavior and thus liable for its consequences to other people.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Stitched card and coffee inchies

For some reason my scanner is really fading out the colors when it scans. Everything is a lot more vibrant in person. I guess I either need to start using the digital camera for these pictures, or I need to remember just how to adjust my scanner settings...


Have you ever seen a card in a magazine and just know you can make it better? That was the case with this card idea. For some reason they never remotely resemble what I was originally trying to make. ;-)

The coffee inchies are for a great swap that I am in. Sadly the wire coffee cups still look like jam jars with handles, but I worked so hard on them that I hated to not use them... I think the steam I added helped make them look more like the funky coffee cups they were meant to be, lol. Note to self: Next time try using a heavier gauge wire and smaller wire tools.

Direct-to-paper


Direct-to-paper is one of my all time favorite techniques. I made several sheets of brown background papers using this technique with some of the newer fall-ish colors of Brilliance ink. I made some fall cards and a bunch of fall ATCs using the background papers.