I was going to keep this blog strictly for my artwork and not add anything personal, but I feel very strongly about this and I feel everyone needs to educate themselves about serial bullies and harassment stalkers.
I found the following information on a web site and was really alarmed to read the estimate that one on in every 30 people is a serial bully. Alarmed, but not at all surprised as I have, unfortunately, had dealings with several people that perfectly fit this profile. Chances are that someone in your workplace, church, stamp club or even your family is a serial bully. My advice to you is that if you suspect you are dealing with this type of person to save every e-mail, every memo, every letter and make note (including time and date) of every conversation, phone call, etc. You may feel guilty about this or even think you are being paranoid... Trust me, it is better to be safe than sorry and someday you will really, really, REALLY regret not saving this information from the start. Protect yourself!
I also want to note that it is pretty easy for all of us to turn a blind eye if we see this type of person attacking others. Sometimes we justify this by saying that we really aren't that close to the person being attacked so we don't need to step in. Sometimes the bully is someone we think is a friend and we turn a blind eye because of it. (Let's stop and think about it... Do we really want to be friends with someone like this? And are they really our friends or are they just manipulating us and we have chosen to ignore it?) I've noticed an alarming trend over the past few years where people see or hear something they don't like and think that if they cover their eyes and ears and hum a cheery little tune it will all go away. Trust me, it doesn't! We all desperately want to believe the best of people, but we forget by not acting that we are really HELPING these bullies hurt others. These situations can escalate to harassment stalking and worse.
Remember, knowledge is power! By informing yourself about this you can help protect yourself and your loved ones in the future.
I don't mean to sound so preachy... I just love all my friends and want them to be safe! :-)
The Serial Bully
How to spot signs and symptoms of serial bullies, sociopaths and psychopaths including the sociopathic behavior of the industrial psychopath and the corporate psychopath
"All cruelty springs from weakness." (Seneca, 4BC-AD65)
"Most organizations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive, disordered, dysfunctional behavior can permeate the entire organization like a cancer." Tim Field
"The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is." Winston Churchill
"Lack of knowledge of, or unwillingness to recognize, or outright denial of the existence of the serial bully is the most common reason for an unsatisfactory outcome of a bullying case for both the employee and employer" Tim Field
I estimate one person in thirty, male or female, is a serial bully. Who does the following profile describe in your life?
The serial bully:
- is a convincing, practiced liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment
has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully's aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as "charming" and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as "evil"; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act
excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive
uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)
is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there's no substance
is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmaneuver most people in verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict
is often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic
relies on mimicry, repetition and regurgitation to convince others that he or she is both a "normal" human being and a tough dynamic manager, as in extolling the virtues of the latest management fads and pouring forth the accompanying jargon
is unusually skilled in being able to anticipate what people want to hear and then saying it plausibly
cannot be trusted or relied upon
fails to fulfill commitments
is emotionally retarded with an arrested level of emotional development; whilst language and intellect may appear to be that of an adult, the bully displays the emotional age of a five-year-old
is emotionally immature and emotionally untrustworthy
exhibits unusual and inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters, sexual behavior and bodily functions; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or hints of sex discrimination and sexual harassment, perhaps also sexual dysfunction, sexual inadequacy, sexual perversion, sexual violence or sexual abuse
in a relationship, is incapable of initiating or sustaining intimacy
holds deep prejudices (eg against the opposite gender, people of a different sexual orientation, other cultures and religious beliefs, foreigners, etc - prejudiced people are unvaryingly unimaginative) but goes to great lengths to keep this prejudicial aspect of their personality secret
is self-opinionated and displays arrogance, audacity, a superior sense of entitlement and sense of invulnerability and untouchability
has a deep-seated contempt of clients in contrast to his or her professed compassion
is a control freak and has a compulsive need to control everyone and everything you say, do, think and believe; for example, will launch an immediate personal attack attempting to restrict what you are permitted to say if you start talking knowledgeably about psychopathic personality or antisocial personality disorder in their presence - but aggressively maintains the right to talk (usually unknowledgeably) about anything they choose; serial bullies despise anyone who enables others to see through their deception and their mask of sanity
displays a compulsive need to criticize whilst simultaneously refusing to value, praise and acknowledge others, their achievements, or their existence
shows a lack of joined-up thinking with conversation that doesn't flow and arguments that don't hold water
flits from topic to topic so that you come away feeling you've never had a proper conversation
refuses to be specific and never gives a straight answer
is evasive and has a Houdini-like ability to escape accountability
undermines and destroys anyone who the bully perceives to be an adversary, a potential threat, or who can see through the bully's mask
is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise collate incriminating information about them
is quick to discredit and neutralize anyone who can talk knowledgeably about antisocial or sociopathic behaviors
may pursue a vindictive vendetta against anyone who dares to held them accountable, perhaps using others' resources and contemptuous of the damage caused to other people and organizations in pursuance of the vendetta
is also quick to belittle, undermine, denigrate and discredit anyone who calls, attempts to call, or might call the bully to account
gains gratification from denying people what they are entitled to
is highly manipulative, especially of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt)
poisons peoples' minds by manipulating their perceptions
when called upon to share or address the needs and concerns of others, responds with impatience, irritability and aggression
is arrogant, haughty, high-handed, and a know-all
often has an overwhelming, unhealthy and narcissistic attention-seeking need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behavior and treatment of others; the bully sees nothing wrong with their behavior and chooses to remain oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen and how they are seen by others
is spiritually dead although may loudly profess some religious belief or affiliation
is mean-spirited, officious, and often unbelievably petty
is mean, stingy, and financially untrustworthy
is greedy, selfish, a parasite and an emotional vampire
is always a taker and never a giver
is convinced of their superiority and has an overbearing belief in their qualities of leadership but cannot distinguish between leadership (maturity, decisiveness, assertiveness, co-operation, trust, integrity) and bullying (immaturity, impulsiveness, aggression, manipulation, distrust, deceitfulness)
often fraudulently claims qualifications, experience, titles, entitlements or affiliations which are ambiguous, misleading, or bogus
often misses the semantic meaning of language, misinterprets what is said, sometimes wrongly thinking that comments of a satirical, ironic or general negative nature apply to him or herself
knows the words but not the song
is constantly imposing on others a false reality made up of distortion and fabrication
sometimes displays a seemingly limitless demonic energy especially when engaged in attention-seeking activities or evasion of accountability and is often a committeeaholic or apparent workaholic
Responsibility
The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behavior and seems to be oblivious to the crassness and inappropriateness thereof; however, it is more likely that the bully knows what they are doing but elects to switch off the moral and ethical considerations by which normal people are bound. If the bully knows what they are doing, they are responsible for their behavior and thus liable for its consequences to other people.
